Ah Ma go Heaven le

Today's the collection of Ah Ma's ashes at Mandai and bringing Ah Ma to her new house at Bedok. Felt really sad that we can no longer see Ah Ma or hear her voice le. Everything about Ah Ma are now reduced to memories :( 

Arrived at Ah Ma's new home at Man Fatt Lam Temple along Jalan Langgar Bedok. The place is so peaceful so I'm sure Ah Ma sure will like it alot de. Ah Ma... Can you see us? Can you hear us talking to you?

Day 5 of Ah Ma Wake

I have no idea what got over me today. Maybe I just couldn't keep the frustration inside me anymore. I almost blew my top when we are moving Ah Ma off to begin her journey to another world and those "woman" brought by my that disgusting uncle kept on taking photos and filming us crying throughout the journey from beneath the block all the way to the road. 

Don't these "woman" have any parents at all? Do they not received any parental guidance as a kid that they became who they are now filming other people grandma's funeral all for money? Really felt like pushing them onto the road or shouting at them at the very moment. Felt so Xing Ku inside my chest that I wanted to burst!

I guess when people said you get to see the real and fake people during funeral wake are true. At the age of 32 I have seen more and more fake people around me that I would gladly remove them from my life. Pardon me if I am wrong but I can never smile or talk to people who are fake. Not even when we are relatives. Period. 

Ah Ma...

Ah Ma...

你一路好走...

我真的很爱你...

Day 4 of Ah Ma Wake

Today will be the last night we have with Ah Ma ...

Haiz.. Everything happened way too sudden. Why did Ah Ma have to leave? Sometimes when no one was looking I will be calling out to Ah Ma when I am beside her, and somehow I really wished that she will respond back to me... Anything at all :(

Felt so tired both physically and mentally. Mainly due to the lack of sleep and constantly moving around to set up the tables and chairs while the other cousins are not doing much until I made some obvious unhappiness. I always think that it doesn't matter if you are the what Zhen Shun or Nei Shun or Wai Shun, we should all help out because ultimately Ah Ma took good care of us when we are all young and we should show her some gratitude :(

Felt so sad...

As if it wasn't disrespectful and a disgrace that my uncle got all his "woman" workers to take photos and videos of Ah Ma's funeral wake and uploaded it to his Facebook account for publicity on how filial he is, and how disgusting his acting was. Now he tried to pick a fight with one of the cousin who decided that he has had enough of all the filming! How disgusting of him to comment that he will get people down to beat my cousin up! I think it's really a disgrace of him. Pui...

Felt really sad that Ah Ma have to see all these unfold infront of her. How sad right when your most doted son use your funeral wake as a marketing tool and thereafter picking a fight with your grandson thinking that he is not in the wrong. Sad. Just sad...

Day 3 of Ah Ma Wake

Took our white shirts and pants back to wash and let it dry before we head out for our lunch. Went over to the Old Town White Coffee at the Midtown to eat the Nasi Lemak and have some garlic toast which was really nice.

To be honest, I really detest looking at some of the faces at my Ah Ma's funeral wake because all those people are just there to take photos and videos of the funeral process. Till now I couldn't figure out how can people even do such a thing and post it up on their Facebook page that is public page at all. I thought people from their generation ought to have more knowledge on such customs on what can be done or what cannot be done? 

You know I really don't quite understand why I am the one who always have to kneel down whenever there are people with more seniority coming forward to pay their respect to my Ah Ma. The reason why I said this was because I was told it has to be the sons or the direct grandsons so my brother is part of it. And I was told he has to be there 24/7 to guard the money (Bai Jing) given by people but then there are so many incidents where the money are just locked there with no one in sight to guard it. So pretty much bullshit if you asked me. I would gladly do it for Ah Ma but not when I am being bullied to do it and someone just act like a good person infront of everyone. I just couldn't take it.

Day 2 of Ah Ma Wake

Went to the Mcdonald's opposite our house to have our brunch together before we went over to Ah Ma's funeral wake...

Still could not come to terms that Ah Ma is no longer with us anymore... Ah Ma, i really miss you alot. I would never forget all the things that you have done for me, for us, and for those you hardly know too. You really left a deep impression to all those who know you personally. I really miss you and 我好想听到你的声音...

Spent the night talking to Ya Ling and folding all the Gim Zua for Ah Ma to use when she lives in the other world. Ah Ma, can you see us? can you hear us?

Day 1 of Ah Ma Wake

I think today everyone are still trying to accept the fact that Ah Ma has left us and will no longer be there for us anymore... Felt really sad when we the grandsons are asked to go into Ah Ma's bedroom and carry her body out of the house and down below. I really cannot take the fact that all that was left now was just Ah Ma's body and she wouldn't wake up anymore. Not even when I called out Ah Ma...

I felt so disgusted today.

I really have no idea why one of my uncle can have the cheek to get his so called workers to take photos and videos of Ah Ma's funeral wake. How can you asked people to take photos and videos of your own mother's funeral wake man! It was really disrespectful of him as a son to do that. Those so called workers are all woman dressed in inappropriate clothings appearing every now and then to take photos and videos which really pissed me off alot. Everything about him was so fake to the very last day. How can he use his own mother's funeral wake as part of his marketing tools and post it up on Facebook letting the whole world see. Don't you have any respect for your own mother at all? Every single movement made by him just puts me off and those who stand by him with no dignity. I will no longer acknowledge such a person as my uncle from this day onwards. Mark my words!

婆婆走了

Ah Ma left us this morning at 12.45am after battling the Pancreatic Carcinoma cancer for 5 months :(

Felt really devastated because we just left for home and within 30 minutes I received my GuGu's phone call that Ah Ma has left us. Couldn't stop my tears from flowing down at all. I could only remember running over to Ah Ma house and wanted to see her as fast as possible. When I got to Ah Ma house, I just stood beside Ah Ma hoping that somehow she can open her eyes and call out my name again but all that are no longer possible.

Now all that's left are memories of the times we used to have with Ah Ma. And now we have to do all the things to ensure that Ah Ma go off peacefully to a better world where she no longer have to suffer pain and the numerous injections anymore. Left Ah Ma house with a heavy heart taking her identity card and the cause of death certificate issued by the doctor to Hougang Neighbourhood Police Centre (NPC) to lodge the death certificate. Felt really sad when Ah Ma's identity card was returned to us with a punched hole :(

As most of the people went back home, dear and me stayed behind to look after Ah Ma's body. Dear just sat beside Ah Ma all the way till morning before we went over to Hougang Town Council to apply for the permit to hold the funeral wake below Ah Ma's house for 5 days.

Really couldn't believe that we will no longer hear Ah Ma's voice anymore. Her loud and strong voice when she called our names. "Xiong Xiong ah, Le Jia Ba Beh?" Really couldn't bear for her to leave us. Not so soon at least... There's so much more I wanted to talk to her...